


Misplaced Glory

by kelsoE



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:08:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25267375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kelsoE/pseuds/kelsoE
Summary: OP Fem!Naru story. Naruko Uzumaki wants what every other kunoichi wants: Sasuke Uchiha. Why? Because by winning his fair heart she'll prove herself to be a woman worthy of respect. But as she becomes a strong shinobi, as her accomplishments start to stack, Sasuke views her more and more as a rival and less and less as a love interest. Explores some of the sexism and racism implicit in the original story. Just read the first sentence of prose, and that'll be enough to tell you whether this work is for you or not.
Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruko, Uzumaki Naruko/Rock Lee
Comments: 1
Kudos: 14





	1. Naruko Falls Into Love

**Author’s Note:** For clarity, I will try to explicitly give scene information when I change POV’s. The information will also be given implicitly, as is typical in most stories, so you’re free to skip that section if you’d like.

XOXOXOXOX

**Naruko’s age: 11**

**Location: Konoha Ninja Academy’s Classroom**

**POV: Naruko**

Naruko felt her eyelids getting heavy, as Iruka droned on and on about catch-ruh or whatever. She was tempted, ever so tempted, to skip ahead into what she liked to call the Mizuki pages. She’d ingeniously placed an issue of the great Shounen Jump’s newest manga, _Dragonball,_ near the back of her textbook, so she could do something interesting while Mizuki blathered about nothing. But no, she would force herself to pay attention to the boring lecture so she could become a splendid kunoichi who everyone respected.

“Chakra can be split generally into two forms, physical and spiritu-” A paper airplane smacked into Iruka’s head. Naruko looked around, and as the only girl standing on a table with a page of their textbook ripped out, everyone was looking at her as if she’d thrown it. Awesome!

“You’ll have to be more alert, sensei,” Naruko said condescendingly. “If that had been a kuna-”

“Physical and spiritual,” Iruka continued, regaining the attention of the class. “Physical chakra improves a shinobi’s speed and strength-”

“But not their reflexes,” Naruko laughed. _Look at me_ , she thought, _look at me, look at me, look at me!_ “Believe-”

“Meanwhile spiritual chakra helps a shinobi with ninjutsu and genjutsu. This is maybe, probably, almost certainly going to be on the ninja entrance exams.” Iruka chuckled good naturedly, making a hand-sign. A slight breeze silently blew Naruko’s paper airplane into a trash bin. “So you might want to write it down.” Naruko heard the collective scratching of pen on paper and groaned. Okay, what had Iruka said? She’d been too busy being awesome to listen to the boring man’s boring lecture. Whatever, it probably didn’t even matter, she was the great Naruko Uzumaki afterall, and she’d pass those stupid ninja exams easily this time, and start her journey to being the next hokage!

After about an hour, Naruko had learned almost everything about ki and kamehameha waves, but not that much about catch-ruh and jutsu. Whatever, reading a buncha books, listening to a buncha lectures, none of that stuff really mattered when it came to being a ninja. It was all about how much catch-ruh you had, the jutsus you could do, and how good you were at fighting.

Iruka clapped his hands. “Let’s move onto ninja techniques.” He had all the students line up and create clones. Blegh! Definitely annoying, it was the trick she was least good at.

Ino Yamanaka was up first, and she created three more arrogant beauties. She flipped her hair and gave a slight smile, trying to act all cute and girly and stuff.

Sakura squealed. “Those clones are textbook!”

“Good work Ino,” Iruka said. “You’re lucky to have such a great friend.”

Sakura grinned cheerfully. Naruko puffed out her cheeks. What a suck-up! And it was totally beneath Sakura’s dignity. She was the coolest, smartest, girl in the entire class and she wasn’t even in a clan! And someday, Naruko would surpass even Sakura and earn the pink-haired girl’s respect.

She climbed on top of the nearest table, and pounded her chest. “Someday I’m gonna be hokage, believe it!”

“It’s good to have dreams,” Iruka murmured, not even bothering to look at her. Then he turned to Sakura. “You’re up.”

The pink-haired girl stepped up in front of everyone and crossed her fingers. Spirals of blue catch-ruh surrounded her, and three identical clones popped into place.

“Those are the best clones ever!” Naruko gushed, giving Sakura a big thumbs-up. “Not even the old man hokage could have done better, believe it!”

But Iruka didn’t congratulate Naruko on being such a great friend, he didn’t even comment on it. The rest of the class ignored her generous proclamation as well, and of course it was because Konoha’s favored son Sasuke Uchiha was about to show off in front of everyone.

Sakura brushed her elbow. “You should be more respectful to the hokage Naruko,” she said cooly.

Naruko dipped her head. “Sorry Sakura. I was just trying to be a good…” Sakura had taken her place back in line. The class suddenly erupted in cheers.

Sasuke was slinking back to the line like he was some stoic badass, like he was Kenshiro from _Fist of the North Star_. He’d created three clones. They were good clones. But were they really that much better, were they worth all the excitement? Wait, whose voice was that, cutting through all the commotion?

“...Not even the hokage could have done better!” Sakura screamed. Ino was looking at the pink-haired copy-cat sideways. Probably because of the blatant theft of Naruko’s clever compliment.

“Those were the best clones ever Sasuke,” Ino said, glaring tiny death lasers at Sakura. “Not even the Sage of Six Paths could have done better!”

The rest of the girls clamored in with their own praises of the clones, while Sasuke, the object of their affections fidgeted and stared at the clock, looking like Oolong when Bulma yelled ‘piggy’. None of his fangirls even noticed. Naruko pinched her chin. She just didn’t get it. What was so special about Sasuke?

“Um, obviously it’s because he’s totally hot,” Ino explained. Naruko moved to sit next to the girl at the cafeteria table. Ino extended her arm, blocking the seat. “Any girl with a set of eyes knows that. Wait, are you a lesbo? Get away from me creep, I’m normal!”

“I’m not,” Naruko blushed, stammering. Ino didn’t look convinced and Naruko wasn’t even sure it was true herself. She’d begun to be able to tell the difference between girls who looked pretty like Ino and Sakura and plain girls who looked like herself, but she didn’t feel any kind of way towards them, so that meant she was straight right? But she didn’t really feel that kind of way towards any boys either. Maybe she was just pretending to be… Well, it didn’t really matter, being true to yourself was only a nindo for rich clan kids anyways. Everyone else had to pretend.

Naruko found Sakura. She should’ve just asked her first anyway, because Sakura was the number one coolest kunoichi in all of Konoha, the prettiest, the smartest, and just the overall best girl to talk to. “Why aren’t you sitting next to Ino?”

“Because Ino-pig is being such a-” Sakura stopped and seemed to realize who she was talking to. She stared down her nose at Naruko like she was a bug. “What do you want?”

“It seems like all the girls really like Sasuke,” Naruko said, tapping her finger on the cafeteria table nervously. “Why? He’s handsome and all, but he never says anything. Just sits there staring blankly like a wooden board. He’s kinda boring donchya think?”

“Well yeah,” Sakura said, creasing her eyebrows. She seemed contemplative, searching, at least for a moment. “That’s true actually. But-”

“I mean, personally, I think Kiba is way funne-”

“Kiba?” Sakura cried, gaining the attention of all the students. “Did you just say Kiba was funner than Sasuke? First of all, funner isn’t a word idiot, and secondly, Kiba? Really? What, are you into dogs or something? Freak! Pervert!”

“N-no,” Naruko stammered. She had to think of something fast. “I like Sasuke. It’s just, a plain girl like me doesn’t stand a chance next to you Sakura.”

Sakura frowned thoughtfully. Then her lips curled, and she patted Naruko on the back. “You’re just a regular girl aren’t you Naruko? A weirdo, sure, but you’re just like all of us. Listen. A true kunoichi fights for her heart. Don’t give up no matter who you compete with. From now on, we’re rivals.”

Naruko smiled and held out a fist. “Rivals.” Sakura bumped her fist and walked away. Naruko wasn’t sure what had happened, but being acknowledged by Sakura was pretty friggin’ sweet. And all she had to do was pretend to like that boring plank of wood. She collected her state-mandated cup of instant ramen from the cafeteria and decided to save it for dinner, so she could eat with the rest of her family. She felt like she’d made progress towards her goal today, despite her still shabby clones, and it deserved celebration!

As soon as the last bell rang, Naruko ran to an abandoned alley near the ninja academy. It’d be cool to be able to rent out a training ground, to be able to practice kunai throws with real kunais and actual targets, but only rich clan kids could do that, and how different could it be from throwing rocks at old beer cans anyways? And yeah, she practiced her clones too. It had rained recently, and she could totally use the puddles as mirrors. That way, she could use her reflection as a model. She’d heard that some of the rich clan kids had actual mirrors in their apartments, but that was probably just Ino bragging again, and who needed mirrors when you had puddles? After training her catch-ruh techniques and ninja tricks, Naruko moved onto physical training. She brought out the Dragonball manga and used Goku as a reference. She’d tried using technical manuals before, but they were boring and didn’t have enough pictures. Using Shounen Jump to train was just another of her brilliant schemes. She noticed the sun was setting, making the alley dim and hard to see. Reluctantly, she abandoned her training and moved onto phase two of her daily regime. Study at the library. She checked out an action book, _Gundam Naruto_ , to prepare herself mentally for her ninja days. While she liked that the main character’s name was similar to her own, she was hesitant to get too into the story. The author was a total asswipe who’d bailed on his last book, _The First Firebender_ midway through. Sure, sure he claimed the character arcs were completed so the story was over, but that was a total artsy fartsy move. Who did that asshole think he was anyways? It wasn’t like he’d written _Dreaming of Sunshine_ or _Konoha no Senkou Arashi_. Her disrespectful, and completely unwarranted musings were cutoff when the librarian told her that they’d be closing in ten minutes. Against her better judgement, Naruko checked out the obvious masterpiece and trudged back to her apartment.

She checked her tap and sighed. She had water at least, but it was as cold as winter. She went to the complex’s public bathroom, and filled up her instant ramen with hot water. Then she wandered back to her room, and placed the styrofoam cup on a stolen street sign she’d fashioned into a table. “Would you like some mom?” Asked Naruko, as the delicious salty aroma of the noodles wafted into her nostrils. Her empty stomach hurt, she hadn’t eaten all day, and she could literally feel her skinny body eating itself, but the most important thing in the world was family.

“You know I don’t need it.” Her mom said, and brushed a lock of shimmering red hair from her pale face. The scars on her cheeks curled as she smiled. Naruko’s mom was the only other person in all of Konoha who shared her whiskers. Without her, Naruko would have been ashamed of them, but instead they represented the unbreakable bond between mother and daughter. “Tell me about your day Naruko.”

“Well Iruka sensei was lecturing and it was boring and so I tossed a paper airplane at him,” Naruko said proudly.

Her mom frowned. “You should be more respectful, Naruko. If you don’t study hard you won’t become a splendid shinobi. You’ll be stuck here forever.”

“You sound just like old man hokage,” Naruko complained bitterly, slurping up some noodles. They still had a bit of a crunch, and they were no Ichiraku’s, but she could never not love ramen.

“Well he’s right you know,” her mom said. “You should listen to him. He’s the only one who cares about you.”

Naruko put down her chopsticks. She put down her ramen. It toppled over, the splotches of dirt and mildew on the sign murked up the broth, turning it from gold to a muddy brown. “You care about me mom, right? You love me? No matter what I do? No matter how I mess up? Even if I keep failing the ninja exam and never become a genin?”

Her mom smiled at her sadly. “Of course I do Naruko. I will always love you. Even if nobody else does, I will.”

“Right, right, I know that,” Naruko said, using her hands to cup the dirty broth back into the bowl. No sense wasting a perfectly good meal. It got all over her orange jumpsuit, but who cared? This was a time to be savored, eating with all the family she had. “You know Sakura, today she acknowledged me as a love rival for Sasuke. It felt really good to be included like that. To be acknowledged.”

“That’s good Naruko. You’ve admired Sakura for a long time,” said her mom gently. “But you don’t actually like Sasuke. You’re lying to Sakura. Friends don’t lie to one another. It’s wrong.”

“Who cares?” Naruko asked petulantly, lapping the last drops of broth from the styrofoam bowl. “It’s not like it’s hurting anyone.”

“You’re nervous,” her mom said.

“I am.” Naruko admitted, tearing little holes in the ramen bowl. There was no point in lying to her mom, she could always see straight to Naruko’s core. “What if I pretend to like Sasuke, and everyone finds out?”

“Just try your best,” her mom said gently. “Perhaps with enough effort you will fall in love. No matter what you do though, I will always love you. If you fall for him and he breaks your heart, I’ll be there to wipe away your tears. If Ino calls you names and bullies you, I’ll beat her up. If Sakura finds out your deception, you can always play with me.”

As always, her mom knew what to say to make her feel better. And as her mom tucked her into bed, as she sang a sweet melody to put Naruko to sleep, the orphan couldn’t help but wish for one thing.

She wished, with all her heart, that her mom was real. But as always, the clone Naruko had created, the clone of her mother, shimmered into nothingness as soon as she fell asleep.

XOXOXOX

**Naruko’s age: 11**

**Location: Konoha Ninja Academy’s Cafeteria**

**POV: Kiba**

Stupid Sakura, and to think he’d actually liked that pink-haired bitch. Kiba had never said anything bad about her, and she’d implied that any girl who liked him was into bestiality. He wasn’t a damn dog, he was a boy! Everyone had left the school cafeteria after lunch had finished, everyone but him. He knew he’d never be popular like Sasuke, but he thought if he trained hard, he’d be able to find...

“I-It’s okay,” Hinata murmured, patting Kiba’s back. “I-I think yo-you’re f-fun. And A-Akamaru too.”

Kiba glanced up at the bluenette and really looked at her, for the first time. Hinata was pretty. Hinata was kind. And she didn’t make him feel like a pile of dog shit whenever he was around her. Sure she wasn’t popular like Sakura or Ino but maybe…

Kiba noticed his heart thundering against his chest. Uh-oh.

XOXOXOXOX

**Naruko’s age: 11**

**Location: Konoha Ninja Academy Classroom**

**POV: Naruko**

The next day Naruko hopped onto a table so she could thoroughly inspect Sasuke’s face and discover what all the other girls saw in the little emo bastard.

“What are you doing?” Sasuke asked, obsidian eyes glaring up at her. His pale skin was pinkening, but it was still pretty smooth and stuff. Naruko pinched his cheek, and found it to be as soft as a baby’s butt.

“I’ve totally fallen for you,” Naruko declared aggressively, challenging anyone to disagree. “Now I must investigate to understand why. You’ve got good skin, I’ll give you that, but does that make up for your complete lack of humor?” The rest of the girls were staring. “Obviously, obviously,” she murmured looking closer, looking for anything to redeem the boring boy. “You’ve got soft lips.”

“Hey Shino!” Said Kiba, behind her. “I took the biggest dump yesterday! You shoulda- Oh, my bad!”

That stupid oaf had pushed her, and she’d fallen, and now she was on top of Sasuke, and was that his tongue? Eww! She rolled off him and started hacking, trying to get his gross saliva out of her mouth.

“You kissed me you blonde idiot!”

“That was my first kiss you stole you damn emo bastard!” Then Naruko realized the rest of the girls had crowded around her. And then Naruko realized she was supposed to be in love with the little shit. She touched her lips gently, and put on what she hoped was a maidenly smile.

All the girls seemed to want to know one thing: “How was it?”

Kinda like sucking spit out of a bowl of ramen. Pretty gross honestly. Naruko felt sick to her stomach, although maybe that was cuz of the dirty ramen she’d eaten yesterday. “Heavenly,” Naruko said boldly. “Like all my life had been leading up to that one moment. Believe it!”

“I do, I do,” Ino said, grinning. “That must’ve been awesome. How did he taste?”

Mostly like spit. His teeth had been slimy, like algae-covered rocks, with an eel-tongue thing living inside. “Only like the best thing ever,” Naruko said, inspecting her fingernails and absolutely soaking up the attention. “Ichiraku’s miso ramen is probably the closest thing to it, but Sasuke tastes like a million times better. Believe it!”

“L-like ramen?” Hinata asked. “Th-that do-doesn’t make sense.”

Naruko’s stomach dropped. She’d been called out and- why hadn’t she thought of something better? Like ramen, really Naruko? What naive fool would believe-

“Cha!” Sakura said angrily. “Naruko is the expert and she says Sasuke tastes great so you can butt out Hinata.” She looked at Naruko hungrily. “Tell me more.”

Naruko smiled brightly, surrounded by friends. Her chest felt warm, and a deep hunger within herself was sated for the first time ever. And she couldn’t stop smiling! All because of one kiss.

It seemed that she’d actually fallen in love with Sasuke for real.

XOXOXOXOX

**Naruko’s age: 14**

**Location: Just outside of Konoha’s Main Entrance**

**POV: Sakura**

_Flashforward No Jutsu_

Sakura smiled. Naruko had finally returned. In the years she’d spent training away from the village she had blossomed into a beautiful woman. Gone was her gaunt skeletal frame, her features were now gentle and beautiful, her skin radiant, and that warm smile even made Sakura’s heart flutter. But she’d covered up her body in what could only be described as an oversized burlap sack.

“You know Sakura,” Naruko said condescendingly, looking her up and down with a smirk. “If Sasuke saw you all exposed like that he’d think you were a woman of low character. The wise sage says it all the time: Men are only attracted to virtuous women who hide their bodies.”

“Thanks, but I think I’ll take my chances,” Sakura said firmly. She had a firm grasp over Inner Sakura now, and she would no longer bully Naruko. Not after all she’d done for her. It was a vow Sakura had made to herself, but during their time apart she’d forgotten how stupid and annoying Naruko could be. “You must have learned a lot of new jutsus on your training trip. You can probably take on the Akatsuki no problem!”

Naruko deflated, and wore a small frown. “The wise sage only trained me how to run away. Half the time we spent training my speed and agility, and the other half we spent learning one dumb jutsu, which he didn’t even know.”

“What’s it do?”

Naruko sighed. Then she was gone, and Sakura was standing by herself by the arched gate of the Konoha’s entrance. Several nearby ninja had fallen to the ground. Not too surprising if they hadn’t been given a warning. Pop! Naruko burst back into existence, her hands cupping some water. “Go ahead. Take a sip Sakura.”

Particles of sand swirled in the water, and a little bug was sputtering around. Sakura wanted to conk Naruko on the head, but she remembered her vow. She licked the water, and wasn’t surprised to find it salty. The nearest sea was hundreds of miles from Konoha. So Naruko had learned a teleportation technique? Sakura wanted to disagree with her friend, wanted to console her and tell her it was an awesome technique, but she couldn’t bring herself to say something so dishonest. Still though, it would be useful for evading the Akatsuki, and Sakura couldn’t fault Jiraiya for spending his time teaching it to Naruko. She wanted Naruko to be safe too.

“Call it Instant Transmission,” Naruko said intensely, hands on her side. “The wise sage keeps insisting that I call it the Her-shin jutsu or whatever, but that’s stupid. Don’t you think it would be better if it were-”

“Have you learned any other jutsu? Or do you still only know shadow clones, the power pole technique, and the dragon ball jutsu?”

“Those are all I know,” Naruko said, looking at her feet. “I’m sorry. I know I promised to get strong enough to bring back Sasuke but-”

“Naruko,” Sakura said, putting a hand on her best friend’s shoulder. “Last time I asked you to save Sasuke, you were all alone. But we’re a team. This time, you’ll have me and Kakashi at your side.”

“Thanks Sakura. I’m gonna need all the help I can get.”

“Naruko… Should we go check on that?” Iwagakure ninja were stumbling out of the village. They kept on yelling ‘He’s back’, whatever that meant. Naturally, it was their duty to go inside and help mitigate the threat. Sakura just hoped it wasn’t the Akatsuki.

Naruko nodded, and was gone in a yellow flash. Sakura sighed and followed after her. If only Naruko could have learned something that would actually be useful in a fight.


	2. Start of the First Journey

**Naruko’s age: 12**

**Location: Konoha Ninja Academy Classroom**

**POV: Naruko**

“Reverse Harem no Jutsu,” Naruko shouted, in yet another one of her brilliant schemes. Jutsu training at the academy was usually pretty pointless, because any ninja they faced in the real world would have a ton of strategies planned for the silly standard jutsu taught at school. So Naruko, being the clever girl that she was, had devised a jutsu that could defeat even old man hokage, and he was the strongest ninja she knew. Now she would test it during clone training, to make use of the otherwise pointless hour.

Several naked Sasukes burst into existence, flooding the room with his super hotty body.

“Naruko!” Iruka yelled. “That is not a valid jutsu. Now do the clone technique again, but properly this time.”

“Seems pretty effective to me sensei,” Naruko bragged. The devastation of her devastating jutsu had swept through the room. Sakura was down with an ultra nosebleed, Ino’s eyes had been replaced with hearts, the rest of the unnamed female characters were floating away on cupid clouds, and even three boys had fainted from infatuation. However, Hinata was unaffected. The bluenette blinked in confusion, as Sakura twitched happily next to her.

Naruko met Sasuke in her favorite abandoned alley after class. There were plenty of beer bottles she could find in the neighborhood nearby, and there’d normally be at least a few drunks who’d agree to spar with her. She shook her head, now wasn’t the time for that!

“Hnn,” Sasuke grunted, frowning. “You said you needed me to create an unstoppable jutsu?”

Naruko giggled, and pinched his arm. Ooh, pretty muscley! “It’s just me and you. Alone. Together. How romantic!”

Sasuke grimaced, pulled away, and glanced behind him, at a cracked cement wall. He scowled, realizing he’d been trapped. “Just tell me the jutsu.”

“Strip,” Naruko said hungrily. “In order to unleash the true power of my forbidden jutsu I must discover the secrets of the male body.”

Sasuke’s dour expression morphed into one of total terror. “Leave me alone Naruko!” With a catch-ruh enhanced jump, he leapt onto the roof of a nearby building.

Naruko whooped, and followed after him. Sasuke saw her, and hopped to the next building. After a slight slip on one of the shingles, Naruko was on his tail. “Just a peek!” She pleaded. Her jutsu was nowhere near powerful enough, it couldn’t even knock out Hinata!

“How would you feel if I asked to oggle your precious bits?” Sasuke asked, not slowing.

Obviously she’d be flattered that Sasuke had finally recognized her irresistible charms. “Tell ya what,” Naruko called after him. “You show me yours and I’ll show you mine. And let me tell ya, my girls are totally awesome! Believe it!”

Sasuke had stopped. Oh crap he’d stopped, and now he was looking at her with a curious frown. Naruko blushed, and covered her chest. He couldn’t really be considering… Sasuke darkened. “Please. Just leave me alone Naruko.”

Naruko sighed and let her love run off. That really had been too much. Or maybe… Not enough? Her smirk became devious. Sasuke had definitely been interested in her nonexistent breasts. The next day she, Ino, and Sakura created the Sasuke Uchiha Fanclub, so they could follow their crush more thoroughly. 

The next few months were good for Naruko. Sasuke hadn’t reciprocated any of their advances, but she and the girls were systematically creating what Sakura called a dossier of Sasuke’s likes and dislikes. Mostly his dislikes. He didn’t like when Naruko pinched his butt, when she pulled his hair, when she hugged him, when she teased him, when she complimented him, when she insulted him, when she was within ten feet of him, and when she said he was a lot like Vegeta. What he did like was… Revenge apparently, and rebuilding the Uchiha Clan.

Oh yeah, she’d totally passed the ninja entrance exam. Most students only took it one time, but she’d taken it three times which was a ninja record! It was all thanks to Iruka-sensei! Her clones had been pretty derpy, but he’d said that it was probably an adequate level for a kunoichi and that he didn’t want her in his class anymore. So now she was a ninja.

And as the ninja with the least best score she even got to be on a team with her greatest rival Sakura and also Sasuke, her future husband. Kakashi had had a bell test which they’d almost failed, but naturally Naruko had pulled through and Team Seven was officially born. 

From there they’d been given a buncha’ missions that were totally below them! Naruko hated that stupid cat! Finally she’d had enough, and demanded work fit for a shinobi of her level. Old man hokage had smirked and introduced them to the smelly-drunk Tazuna. Totally awesome! Now she could show her true kunoichi abilities to Sasuke and prove she was worthy of his affections!

XOXOXOX

**Naruko’s age: 12**

**Location: Road between Konoha and Wave**

**POV: Sakura**

“Sensei, when will we be taking a break?” Sakura asked politely. It had better be soon! They’d been running all damn day, it was hot as hell, and her heel had started to hurt whenever she put weight on it! Naruko kept trying to act like they were more than just friendly colleagues, Sasuke was ignoring her, Kakashi had his nose buried in his gross porn, and that smelly old drunk kept on giving her creepy looks. “Sensei?”

Kakashi held up a finger to quiet her- wait no, her stupid sensei had just licked it and used it to turn the page. Cha! What kind of a teacher ignored an inquisitive young student’s questions? If the answer was not soon, just say not soon! How damn hard was that?

And why oh why, had Naruko asked for this stupid mission? Now Sakura was hot and hungry and tired! It wasn’t fair! Why couldn’t they have just kept doing D-rank missions? Those were nice and safe, and when they were over she could go back to her air conditioned house, and lie in her bed eating  syrup-coated anko dumplings and umeboshi.

“Isn’t this exciting Sasuke?” Sakura asked, flapping her eyelids. “Our first real mission!”

“Hnn,” Sasuke said stoically. Heroically. Like a true, hardened shinobi. This was no big deal for him, after all he’d been through. Sakura was glad she’d studied so hard in school, so she’d gotten to be on the same team as him. Aside from Kakashi, she couldn’t have asked for better placement. Even Naruko had her positive points. Sure she was useless, and annoying, and ugly, and had like no fashion-sense, but the girl would do anything Sakura asked. Pinch Sasuke’s butt and she’d do it no problem, try out a compliment and she’d ask it without a hint of shame, and like Ino said, she never seemed the least bit unhappy so it wasn’t like Sakura was being mean or anything. Sakura got to live out her fantasies vicariously and Naruko got to feel like she had friends. It was a win-win.

“Let’s take a break,” Kakashi  _ finally  _ said, stopping. “Eat. Replenish our stamina.”

“Already?” Naruko asked, like a total idiot. “I can still go on!”

Tazuna pinched the blonde’s cheek. “I could take a break brat. Your back is all bony! Super uncomfortable.” Naruko let the old drunk off her shoulders and wandered into the forest to pick out herbs for Kakashi’s dried rice noodle rations. Typical Naruko was too stupid to be tired. Sasuke helped Kakashi set the fire, and sprinkle in Naruko’s herbs like a total gentleman. Sakura swooned, she just loved a man who could cook.

“You. Pinky!” The smelly old drunk said. “Shouldn’t you be helping, instead of sitting on your ass?”

Sakura shot him a glare, and continued to watch her love cook. The way he stirred the noodles was so gallant, such grace as he extracted the noodles, such precision to split the food so evenly!

“Would you hurry up and take your share?” Sasuke asked. Sakura took her portion, and took a sip of her love’s cooking. Blegh! The flavor was decent, but the noodles had been way overdone, and there was too much broth. Still, she was hungry, so she slurped it all down as gracefully as she could. The rice noodles were empty calories though. She was still hungry. She didn’t want to look like a pig in front of Sasuke, so she waited for a few minutes until she asked for another serving. But the noodles were all already gone. Sakura’s stomach grumbled. How much longer until they found a decent restaurant? She needed actual food.

“Can you believe it, Sakura?” Naruko asked, rubbing her belly. “Two friggin meals in one day. C-rank missions are awesome!”

What? She looked at Sasuke, but he seemed confused as well.

“Yes,” Kakashi said cheerfully. “I remember a time when I was pleased for such missions as well. But if you become a strong shinobi Naruko, you will receive more dangerous missions with higher pay. Survive long enough and you could afford Ichiraku’s three times a day.”

Naruko looked at Kakashi sideways. “Three times? That’s too many. I’d rather have heating and electricity at that point.”

“You can afford both,” Kakashi said, smiling under his mask.

“Wow!” Naruko jumped to her feet. Her frail body couldn’t seem to contain her excitement, and her arms swung wildly as a result. “Can you believe it, Sakura? Soon we’ll be living like rich clan kids!”

“Yeah…” Sakura said weakly… “How many… What do you normally eat in a day, Naruko?”

“C’mon Sakura,” Naruko laughed. “You’re such a ditz. We eat together everyday!”

“Silly me,” Sakura said, doinking her forehead, sticking out her tongue, and giving a dishonest giggle. She glanced at Sasuke, this was weird right? She found him staring at Naruko’s arms, frowning. She followed his gaze, and realized for the first time just how skinny Naruko was. Her arms and legs were all bone, and her cheeks were emaciated, leaving her features unnaturally sharp. She’d been with Naruko everyday for years, but she never noticed the obvious malnutrition under the oversized orange jumpsuit. From now on, Sakura would pack Naruko an extra meal before setting out with her team.

That would make everything right, right?

XOXOXOX

**Naruko’s age: 12**

**Location: Road between Konoha and Wave**

**POV: Naruko**

The super important bridge building mission wasn’t going too good to be honest. Two chunin had been hiding in a puddle, and Naruko had frozen like a little scaredy-cat. Good news was she’d been saved by Sasuke, bad news was she’d found she didn’t like being the damsel in distress. Even if it meant being close to Sasuke, feeling like some helpless kid just didn’t sit right with her. Kakashi had suggested they quit the mission because she’d been scratched by a metal gauntlet, but there was no way she was gonna allow herself to look so uncool in front of her one and only prince. So she’d cut the poison out with a kunai like a total badass, and vowed to never be so weak ever again. She would become a powerful kunoichi, worthy of the Uchiha family name. Sasuke hadn’t seemed so thrilled, but Kakashi and Sakura had been moved by her vow and so they’d decided to continue the mission.

Then this super rugged guy named Zabuza had attacked them. He didn’t wear a shirt, and looked like a total stud. Too bad he was so scary he made her want to piss her only pair of pants. But it was totally fine, because Kakashi had everything under control. See? He had a kunai to his throat already. Her sensei could be aloof, but he’d never-

Zabuza dissolved in a splash- a water clone- and the real Zabuza kicked Kakashi into a pond. In moments he was imprisoned in a liquid sphere, held together by the missing nin from the Hidden Mist. With his free hand the murderous ninja made a hand sign, and another Zabuza coalesced from the pond.

“You guys,” Kakashi shouted, his voice hoarse with worry. “Take Tazuna and run! As long as he’s keeping me in this prison he can’t move. The water clone cannot go very far from his real body. Just run!”

Naruko stumbled backwards. Zabuza’s lust for blood was so thick she could barely breathe. He was leagues beyond what she could handle, and if she stayed here she was really gonna die. She was gonna die! She felt a sharp pain, her hand had hit a rock. Her words, her vow, if she ran Kakashi sensei was gonna drown. He’d taken her stupid vow so seriously, as if he was a proud father watching his daughter boast. Team Seven, they were the closest thing to a family she’d ever have. And family, they were precious to her.

She ran at the water clone, all she needed to do was get by it, free Kakashi, and she’d be more than willing to make a tactical retreat. The clone smirked, roundhouse kicked her in the stomach, and she sailed all the way back to Sakura and Sasuke. She hit the clay hard, the moss barely softening her fall. She wretched against her will, emptying her stomach on the grass, the acidic smell of half-digested rice noodles burnt her nostrils, and her feet felt so numb and heavy. She wouldn’t look so uncool in front of Sasuke, she wouldn’t show her weakness to Sakura, and she would NOT let Kakashi die. She struggled to her feet, her legs shaking, her mind racing for solutions. But for some reason, she was stuck on Dragonball.

What would Goku do? Punch harder. Not good, what would Krillen do? Destructo Disc, but that didn’t help at all. Gohan? He’d get mad, but she didn’t have access to hidden reserves of catch-ruh when she snapped. Who? Who! Vegeta, no- frick, why was the answer always punch harder? Shoot, she wasn’t like any of the Z-fighters, she was more like that darn piggy Oolong…

A cheshire grin appeared on her face. She’d thought of yet another brilliant scheme, but could that really be considered a surprise? She was the great Naruko Uzumaki, and she was gonna save her sensei! She looked pointedly at Sasuke. “My rival! Lend me your ear!”

Zabuza was less than impressed. He started going on and on about how he’d killed plenty of ninja by their age, but Naruko was completely distracted by the realization that he didn’t have eyebrows. And to think, she’d thought that he looked hot.

Well, no time like the present. She and Sasuke used hand signs to make as many clones as they could, and Naruko felt a pit of worry form in her stomach. Could smoke and mirrors really take down a Jounin? When she’d tried to fight Kakashi, even with the help of Sasuke and Sakura, he’d taken them down with ease. And Zabuza had proven he was stronger than Kakashi. She looked up, found her sensei’s worried gaze, telling her to run, far far away. He was willing to die for her. She’d gamble her life for his.

She and Sasuke charged the water clone, a feint of course- to distract from the real deception, but she’d still get her guts opened up if his blade found her stomach. The water clone swung its broad sword wildly, blasting out a gale of catch-ruh, which knocked her back tumbling. Her hands trembling, she rummaged through her backpack. Her heart hammered. “Hey Sasuke, catch.” She tossed him a shuriken with a nasty surprise. Everything was in her rival’s hands now.

He caught it, and his eyes widened. He gave her a glare which she met with a sad smile. This was who she was, through and through.  _ Hate me if you want Sasuke, _ she thought,  _ just don’t look at Tazuna. Don’t look at Tazuna! _ She tried to force him to do as she wanted by pure thought alone. This was a gamble, one that made her a failure as a shinobi, but she cared more about Kakashi than even her vow. She would fail the mission if it meant saving sensei.

Sasuke’s eyes were as wide as dinner plates, as he stared down Zabuza without blinking. He wound up for his throw.

“A shuriken won’t work on me,” the water clone said dismissively. But Sasuke wasn’t aiming at the water clone, the shuriken was by it without resistance. “So you were aiming at the real me. But that won’t work either!”

Naruko willed her feet still, even as she wished to run back into the formation Kakashi had drilled into their heads. Zabuza caught the first shuriken with contemptuous ease, and Naruko’s feet ached to move. Instead she just watched, as Zabuza hopped over the second shuriken, hidden in its shadow. Not yet, not yet.

Sakura revealed her henge, bursting into existence from the trailing shuriken, aiming a kunai at the hand Zabuza was using to imprison Kakashi. The swordsman dodged the attack easily, but was forced to abandon his prison jutsu. In mere moments their enemy realized that all that was defending Tazuna, his mission target, was an incorporeal clone. Sasuke and Naruko scrambled back into position, to defend the completely vulnerable bridge builder. They had to deal with the water clone, while Kakashi dealt with the real thing.

It was a hard fought battle, but Kakashi pulled through making Zabuza look like a total amateur, while Sasuke and Naruko handled the clone, realized their great compatibility as a team, and they totally started making out after the fight was over. It was the start of a beautiful relationship which eventually ended in marriage. From there, they lived happily ever after, often visiting their best friend Sakura and her husband Kakashi, and everyone was happy and everything was perfect.

Okay, maybe that last part hadn’t happened, but it totally should have! Instead, she found Sasuke staring at her intently as they waited around Kakashi’s bed. They’d finished the journey to Wave, and Tazuna’s daughter Tsunami had graciously allowed them to stay at their mansion. Tazuna had grumbled all the while about them abandoning him in his time of need, and suggested that they sleep in the woods. What a horrible man, he had all this wealth, and he wasn’t even willing to share it!

“You are more than you first appear. I thought you were just an irritating fan girl, but you’ve proven your worth in a life or death battle,” Sasuke said quietly, wearing a sly smile. Naruko blushed. “I’m glad you’re on my team Sakura.”

“Th-thanks Sasuke. I think you’re pretty great too. I couldn’t have freed Kakashi without your perfect shuriken throw.” Naruko looked beside her, and saw Sakura as red as a tomato, with a small smile, staring at her feet. Of course. Sasuke had been talking to the pretty pinkette, not plain ole’ Naruko. Despite herself though, she felt kinda happy for her rival. Sakura had had a crush on Sasuke for years, and if anyone deserved to be acknowledged by him it was her. “And Naruko,” Sakura said, putting a hand on her shoulder. “We couldn’t have done it without you either. You’re really smart, you know? That was a brilliant scheme.”

“Hnn,” Sasuke grunted. He smirked at Naruko. “I don’t know if I’d go that far... Though I suppose it was pretty clever for The Idiot.”

Her toes weren’t pretty and pedicured like Sakura’s, but callused, scraped, and grimy from training in back alleys. She was still an idiot to Sasuke huh? While she wanted to deck the jerk, she had to admit that from his perspective her track record wouldn’t seem all that great. If she kept on proving herself though, he’d see that she was a worthy kunoichi. She put on a happy grin, that she didn’t feel one bit. “Well I thought you did a great job Sasuke. If not for you we’d all be…”

Kakashi stirred and groaned. “You all did very well. Just please, stop posturing. You’re my cute kids not Konoha’s elders.” He sat up, and rubbed his chin. “That said, you can’t go abandoning the mission objective like that.” He put up his hands, to stifle their protests. “I’m not criticizing you. With the jutsus you knew, your actions were the best you could do. Now, what to do about it?” Kakashi started murmuring to himself. “What if I taught them the shadow… No, no, it’s too dangerous. But maybe… For an exceptional shinobi, it might be okay… But then again…”

“Just tell us!” Naruko demanded.

Kakashi’s eyes turned to crescents. “I suppose I’ll teach you the shadow clone jutsu. What do you say, Sasuke?”

“Hnn,” Sasuke said, smirking at Naruko.

All right enough! “What about me? Why only Sasuke?” Demanded Naruko. “It’s not fair!”

“No, no, the shadow clone jutsu requires a great deal of chakra. It’s not good for kunoichi. What if I taught you and Sakura the basics of medical ninjutsu instead?”

“No!” Naruko demanded, folding her arms, and turning her back to stupid Kakashi. “I only want to learn the shadow clone jutsu.”

“But wouldn’t it be great to be able to heal Sasuke?” Kakashi asked, rummaging through his pack until he found his stupid book. He opened it up. “I thought you were a fan of his, and you’re not even willing to support him?”

This disrespect had to end. She’d risked her life to save Kakashi, and here he was underestimating her again. She swiped his book from his grasp, savoring his stunned expression. “I’m not  _ A  _ Sasuke fangirl; I’m  _ THE  _ Sasuke fangirl! Believe it!” With that said, she ran out of the house. Kakashi, as expected, limped out after her, to regain something precious to him.

“Give me back my book Naruko,” Kakashi demanded expectantly, holding out his hand.

Naruko did so, and then groveled on the cobblestone pathway. She pulled on Kakashi’s black pants. “Please let me train with Sasuke! He’s totally falling for Sakura right now, and I need to use this chance to prove that I’m a powerful shinobi and get back in the game! Can’t you just be cool about this, and help me out? I’ll learn the other jutsu later. Believe it!”

“Hmm,” Kakashi said, his nose buried in his book. “Perhaps I would have, if you hadn’t stolen my novel. But now I don’t feel like it.”

“Please sensei,” Naruko begged. “I risked my life to save you! Can’t you help a girl out?”

“I suppose I could,” Kakashi said. He handed her the book back, and pointed at a bookmark. “So long as you read the highlighted passage aloud. Please read from the heart, you must prove your conviction to me.” He brought out a scroll, and with a puff of smoke summoned an… Electric recorder, which he held up to her mouth, and motioned for her to start.

Naruko skimmed her lines. Hey! Was it just her imagination, or had she heard these same exact things from the old barlady in the apartment above her? Oh yeah, Naruko Uzumaki was totally gonna knock her sensei’s socks off with her brilliant performance.

“It’s too big, it’s too big!” Naruko closed her eyes, imagining she was tucked in bed, when she was awoken by strange thumping noises at 3 AM. She gave her sexiest moan, then grunted in a manly voice, “Do you want me to stop Tsunaje?” Naruko switched to a purr. “No. Keep going Diraiya.” Naruko started to moa-

“Stop, stop, STOP!” Kakashi put a hand over her mouth, steam spouting from his ears as he fumed in anger. “You’re ruining it! It’s not even supposed to be a sex scene, there are no sex scenes in The Great Jiraiya’s  _ Make Out  _ masterpieces! Diraiya is lifting a bed for Tsunaje’s always vacant boyfriend! What separates cheap smut from true erotica is the innuendo, you can’t just go straight into hardcore-”

Naruko stuck a finger into Kakashi’s chest. “We had a deal!”

“Fine,” Kakashi sighed. “Just don’t overdo it.”

  
  
  



	3. Shadow Clones and Beyond

**Naruko’s age: 12**

**Location: Forests by Tsunami’s House**

**POV: Naruko**

Kakashi took them out into the forest. Rays of sunlight shined through the leaves like ki blasts, soft grass tickled against her toes, and a slight whisper of wind brushed her hair into her eyes.

“Here’s the written explanation.” Kakashi carelessly tossed a scroll into the grass. “And here’s how you do it.” He crossed both of his index and middle fingers to form a cross, and another Kakashi burst into existence.

“How is that any different than the clone jutsu?” Sasuke asked suspiciously.

The clone picked up a pebble, and underhand tossed it to Sasuke. “But the corporeality of the clone is just one of the properties that make shadow clones perhaps the strongest and most versatile ninjutsu in existence.” Kakashi used his crutches to limp to a nearby rock, which he used as a chair. “Unfortunately, there’s the crippling drawback that makes it almost useless.”

“And the other properties are?” Sasuke prompted. “The drawback is?”

Kakashi ignored him, engrossed in his book.

“Why are you even here if you won’t answer my questions?” Sasuke asked again.

Kakashi raised his finger, licked it, and turned a page.

“I bet it’s that it splits the power level in half,” Naruko said confidently. She’d come across this technique before in her studies. “That is the drawback of the multiform technique. Tienshinhan used it in his second fight against Goku, but it didn’t help at all.”

Sasuke stared at her like she was something icky he’d found on the bottom of his shoe, shook his head, and picked up the scroll. “Is that what I sound like to Kakashi? Just an irritating idiot rambling on and on, babbling incoherent nonsense?” he asked. Kakashi’s eyes crinkled, but Naruko couldn’t tell if it was from the hurtful things that Sasuke had said, or something that had happened in his book. “How does this work?”

Naruko kept her mouth quiet, and tried to read the scroll by peeking over Sasuke’s shoulder. He seemed to notice her difficulty, and held the scroll out to the side, so she could read it next to him.

“Are you done reading yet?” Sasuke asked. Naruko shook her head, and he smirked. “Idiot.” He kept the scroll open though, until she was finished.

“I’ll be needing that back now,” Kakashi said, resealing the scroll, nose still buried in his book. “The jutsu is a secret Konoha guards closely.”

Sasuke lined up opposite her. “I bet I can learn it before you idiot,” he said confidently.

“In your dreams, los-” Naruko put a hand over her mouth. She’d responded without thinking, and she’d almost called her beloved Sasuke a loser. “Of course you can Sasuke. You’ll get it down in no time flat. Believe it!”

Sasuke sighed, and made a cross sign with his fingers. Blue tendrils of catch-ruh weaved around him, and then poof! Clouds of smoke formed from nothingness, and disappeared just as quickly, to reveal… Nothing. Sasuke shrugged. “Your turn.”

Naruko gave it a shot, but couldn’t really make heads or tails of it. She made the hand sign, channelled a bit of catch-ruh, and nothing happened at all. Crickets chirped cruelly, mocking her failure.

“Not so much chakra Naruko,” Kakashi said idly, still not looking up from his book. “If you want to train for more than a minute you’ll have to be more conservative. I know you want to impress Sasuke, but it just makes you look stupid.”

Hmm… Yes… So… What the heck was chakra? But Sasuke didn’t look puzzled by Kakashi’s advice, so Naruko just nodded. “Of course sensei. I’ll… Use? I’ll use less chakra. Believe it!”

Sasuke’s next attempt resulted in a twitching mass of something. It had arms and legs, a mouth and eyes, just not in the right places. “Kill me,” it croaked. A thrown kunai dispersed the failed clone.

Since Naruko’s last attempt had failed to make anything, she knew that her technique needed more power. She channeled way more catch-ruh into her hand signs than she had on her pitiful first attempt. Still nothing. The only solution would be to put even more-

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Sasuke asked angrily. “Kakashi just told you to put less chakra into your clones! Do you think going around acting like an idiot impresses anyone? Even if it  _ is _ an act,  _ playing _ a fool  _ makes _ you a fool.”

While Sasuke learned the technique in five attempts, Naruko failed and failed, and she didn’t know what she was doing wrong. They kept telling her to use less chakra, whatever the heck that meant! Sasuke looked absolutely disgusted, but worse, so did Kakashi! They acted like she was sucking on purpose, like she was trying to impress Sasuke somehow, which didn’t make sense, because how would totally failing to learn a jutsu impress anyone? She was putting her absolute all into this, going at every attempt with one hundred and ten percent effort, and they treated her like she was being a fangirl! She wasn’t! She was trying her best to genuinely improve as a kunoichi. 

After Zabuza had almost killed them, she’d known she had to get stronger. She’d known this technique would be tough for her, that shadow clones were a more advanced version of a jutsu she always struggled with. But she’d come here anyways, so when guys like Zabuza attacked again, she wouldn’t be some helpless damsel in distress, and instead be able to protect her team. She’d just told Kakashi she was doing it to impress Sasuke because, because…

She hadn’t known why she was lying at the time, it just felt natural. It was just… Kakashi was right. Things like trying to protect your teammates, it wasn’t what a kunoichi did. Sure they could act as support. They could be genjutsu specialists, healers, maybe even long-range weapons experts. But a frontline ninjutsu brawler? No. So she’d needed to come up with a reason, and she’d said the first thing that came to mind.

And they’d believed it. And they hated her for it.

But she’d show them. She wouldn’t give up. She’d try even harder, push herself even more.

“Naruko stop,” Kakashi said. It had only been an hour. “I know you’re exhausted. Don’t act tough because Sasuke is here. You must have used up almost all your chakra. You’ve wasted four times Sasuke’s chakra reserves and twice mine. Let’s go.”

There was that word again- what the heck was chakra? Naruko supposed she did feel a little winded though. Like she’d taken a light jog around the neighborhood. “I’ve pushed myself harder than this before.” Like, everyday after academy. Just how little training did they think she did? She wasn’t that bad was she?

“Chakra exhaustion can kill you,” Kakashi said idly. “So I’ll be taking you back.”

They really thought she was that delicate? That this level of fatigue bothered her? She knew that it was supposed to be gallant when men were over-protective of women, but this was just insulting.

That night, Naruko snuck out of the house to train. Alone in the woods, she attempted the jutsu again and again, but- no matter how much harder she tried- she kept getting nowhere. Maybe… Maybe Kakashi was right, maybe shadow clones were just an impossible jutsu for a kunoichi. She squeezed her fists. No. She wouldn’t give up.

Nobody had thought she’d ever be able to pass the exams, but she’d worked harder and longer than any of the other students. Most gave up after they failed the first time, but most had a family to go back to. If Naruko had failed to become a ninja she would have had nothing. So she’d kept at it, kept training, until her clone jutsu was good enough.

She’d do it again. She’d train harder than Sasuke, she’d train longer than Sasuke, and even if she never learned to use the shadow clone jutsu as well as Sasuke, she  _ would  _ learn it.

“Believe it!” She said to herself, pumping as much catch-ruh as she could into her hand signs. “Believe it! Believe it! Believe it!”

But nothing happened. That was the way of things though. Prodigies were rare, exceptions were few, and it made sense that a jounin level jutsu which kunoichi struggled with would be difficult. She would master it anyways.

There was a rustling in the leaves. It was Sasuke. “Why were you using so much chakra when you thought you were alone? Just who were you trying to impress?”

She glared, and funnelled her catch-ruh into her hand signs.

He narrowed his eyes. “That blue stuff around you. Use less of it.”

Less catch-ruh? He was probably pulling her leg, but nothing else had worked so- whoa! Her catch-ruh, where was it going? A perfect Naruko puffed into existence, and it was great and all but she had a far greater concern. “My catch-ruh, what happened to it?”

Kakashi’s words from earlier came to her, and everything clicked at once. “Sasuke,” Naruko said urgently. “I know what the drawback to this technique is! It uses up your catch-ruh!”

Sasuke rolled his eyes. “Every jutsu uses…” He grimaced. “catch-ruh to perform idiot.”

Naruko decided to hold her tongue. She wasn’t really sure how anyone could be so dumb as to misunderstand how catch-ruh worked. You channelled your catch-ruh through a hand sign to perform a jutsu and then it returned to you. Why else would she have the same amount before and after any jutsu? She narrowed her eyes at her shadow clone. catch-ruh thief.

“Naruko, why don’t you see how many shadow clones you can make?”

“But it’ll use my catch-ruh!”

“Just do it idiot. I want to confirm something.”

So Naruko did. But each shadow clone used up more and more catch-ruh. She could tell at about thirty that she had a fraction of what she’d started with. She was afraid to keep going. What if her catch-ruh never returned to her? Would she lose the ability to perform jutsu forever? “You,” Naruko said to one of her clones. She handed her a kunai. “Kill yourself.”

The clone pushed the kunai back at her. “Why don’t you kill yourself? See it’s not a nice-”

Naruko dove at the rebellious clone, and they struggled with each other. She managed to get in a few good licks, and the clone disappeared in a puff of smoke. Stupid thing had given her a black eye though, and she didn’t feel her catch-ruh return to her. 

It was gone for good.

That damn Kakashi! Why hadn’t he told her? That kind of a drawback wasn’t a thing to be coy about!

“Head Naruko sir,” a clone cried. “Sasuke collapsed!”

XOXOXOX

**Location: Tsunami’s House**

**POV: Kakashi**

Kakashi was mildly surprised when an army of Naruko woke him in the middle of the night carrying a chakra depleted Sasuke. He’d barely been able to get a coherent story out of the sobbing girl. Girls. Really it was quite concerning when Naruko interrupted Naruko and Naruko called Naruko stupid which resulted in Naruko pulling Naruko’s pigtail. He’d been able to piece together though, that they hadn’t been attacked by Zabuza. That was good. Rather, Sasuke had seen how many shadow clones Naruko had created and thought that since she had created so many he could as well. A perfectly natural assumption. Those would get you killed in the ninja world. 

It was now apparent to him that Naruko had large chakra reserves and had confused the word with a made up one called catch-ruh. He should probably ask Sakura about how that little mixup had happened, but then he decided not to bother because it was obvious what had happened and asking would detract from time that could be spent reading. The way girls bullied one another was truly astonishing.

Regardless, he sat Naruko down and had a little talk about chakra. What it was, how it worked, and was eventually able to convince her to release her shadow clones. She’d never learned that chakra replenished, as her chakra reserves were so large, and the standard academy jutsu required so little, that she’d never felt it drain from her before.

She really did have quite a bit of chakra. Or should he say catch-ruh? Really, he couldn’t be blamed for keeping that misconception going just a bit longer.

XOXOXOX

**Location: Tsunami’s Living Room**

**POV: Naruko**

“Today I will be teaching the two of you chakra scalpels… also known as catch-ruh scalpels,” Kakashi said. “It is a jutsu which will put your chakra control… your catch-ruh control to the test.”

“Question,” Naruko said, raising her hand. “Why can’t we just use a normal scalpel?”

“This is the first step to learning the medical ninjutsu that all kunoichi are expected to know,” Kakashi continued, giving no indication that he’d heard Naruko at all. “If Sasuke gets hurt you need to be able to heal him.”

“And why can’t he heal himself?” Sakura asked, her voice a bit too high. Naruko flinched, prepared for Sakura to smack her, but her anger was actually directed at Kakashi this time. “Why were you so against training Naruko yesterday? Why not teach us all the shadow clones, and teach us all the chakra scalpels?” Her voice rose even higher, and that little kid Inari scampered out of the house in fear. “We women should have the same opportunities as men. We shouldn’t be expected to be healers just because of our gender!”

Kakashi creased a corner in his book, and placed it down on the carpet. “Women have better chakra control while men have larger chakra reserves. I’m not sure why this is the case, and there are exceptions,” he looked at Naruko. “But this is generally true. This makes men better suited for combat, and women better suited for what are typically classified as support roles. The best medical ninjutsu specialists are all women, and the best combat specialists are all men. I can count on a single finger the exception to this statement… This fact does not make men better than women.” He pulled down his mask, revealing his red eye, with the three hypnotic tomoe. “Did you know that the sharingan has another name? They are called the eyes of misery. They are activated by the death of loved ones. I have seen comrades die. I have watched friends die. This eye replays their deaths, again and again, with perfect accuracy. And yet, for every comrade that I’ve lost I’ve killed a hundred enemies. That is what this eye allows me to do. Kill my enemies. What it does not allow, is for me to bring my loved ones back. The sharingan is useless to anyone who acquires it. That is why the Uchiha named them their eyes Misery. Do not look with scorn at medical ninjutsu. It can do what the sharingan cannot. It can save people’s lives. That is the most valuable skill a shinobi can have.” Kakashi pulled his mask back over his sharingan.

Naruko and Sakura wordlessly practiced their catch-ruh scalpels. But they were hard. With shadow clones Kakashi had shouted a bunch of gibberish at her, then gotten angry when she hadn’t understood. This time he was explaining things a lot better. She knew she had to use an almost microscopic amount of catch-ruh, and shape it into a small sharp edge. But how were you even supposed to keep track of such a measly amount? Constrict your catch-ruh into a single finger? Impossible.

After one day of practicing she got nowhere.

After two days of practicing she got nowhere.

“Maybe you could try and form a pen instead of a knife?” Sakura suggested, her hand glowing with blue catch-ruh as she tried to dissect a leaf. “Just try and make it form a shape first, then worry about getting the sharp edge later.”

“But a pen is so small,” Naruko whined. Sakura wasn’t understanding the problem at all. Even so, she decided to try and take Sakura’s advice and just form something out of her catch-ruh. But after a week, Tazuna’s super bridge nearing completion, she still hadn’t gotten anywhere close to mastering the technique. All she’d been able to do was make her chakra form a large club like thing. It wasn’t small and precise like Sakura’s scalpels. Maybe it was time for a change of pace. Kakashi had been right, catch-ruh did replenish, so she could take a little break from the stupid technique to further train her shadow clones.

“How am I supposed to know what you’re doing wrong?” Sasuke asked, shooting death-lasers at his two shadow clones. The prodigy had recovered from his catch-ruh exhaustion, and continued his training on the shadow clone technique alone, like Vegeta would have. And yet he still tried to deny the comparison. Naruko poked the clone. Seeing as how it was one of Sasuke’s clones, and he kept making just two, there must have been something special about them. Maybe when they popped they went boom! Like a giant explosion whenever they were defeated, wouldn’t that be cool?

“That tickles,” the clone said smiling. He brushed Naruko’s hair out of her eyes. “You’re a real cute-”

The handsome clone vanished in a puff of smoke. “Show me the technique, and maybe I can help you out,” Sasuke said, huffing.

Naruko decided to poke the other clone instead. It grimaced. “Stop touching me idiot.” Now that was more like it! Same ole’ Sasuke.

Sasuke let out a breath. “Do you want my help or not?” Naruko did. After all, he had been the one who’d been able to teach her the shadow clone jutsu. So she explained those no-good catch-ruh scalpels, and how much of a total pain she was having with it. Sasuke decided he needed to master it before he could help her, and did so in about an hour. “This is easy deadlast. You really are an idiot afterall.”

“Well it only took Sakura fifteen minutes,” Naruko shot back, before she could stop herself.

“Hnn,” Sasuke said woodenly. A cloud passed over, cloaking his side of the meadow in shadow, while her side remained bright and yellow. “Sakura has good chakra control. She also pushes her dirty work on desperate idiots to make herself look better.”

“You take that back, Bastard!”

Sasuke and his clone smirked. “Make me.”

Nobody talked about her rival like that and got away with it! Naruko crossed her finger, and channelled her catch-ruh into the hand signs. Poof! Ten more Naruko’s burst into existence, ready to beat some sense into The Bastard.

Sasuke leapt backwards, and created three more clones of his own. The Narukos charged at the Sasukes, surprisingly coordinated, with the head Naruko taking on the head Sasuke. He socked her in the chin. It wasn’t going well for her. The Bastard was faster and stronger, more efficient with his movement, and able to punish her for her mistakes. Her clones were no match for his, even if she did have more of them. Poof! Poof! Poof! The ten Narukos had been reduced to three, and they’d only managed to take down one Sasuke. Fine! Each of her remaining clones created four more clones of their own, making twelve Narukos against four Sasukes. This time they chose a different tactic, sacrificing a few Narukos to distract the majority of the Sasukes, so the rest could focus their attack on the remaining Sasuke. Poof! Poof! Poof!

Wow, she was really getting her butt kicked. He wasn’t the number one rookie for nothing. All her clones had been destroyed, and Sasuke still had a shadow clone left. But Sasuke wasn’t his usual impressive self, he was panting. His clothes were tattered and his arm was bruised. He could be beaten. Naruko could do this, she could win! She created ten more clones and charged. Poof! Poof! Poof! Hah! He’d taken out three more of her clones, but she’d taken out his last one. Sasuke was all alone, against seven Narukos.

His obsidian eyes darted from Naruko to Naruko, as she encircled him, and slowly approached from all directions. He tossed a kunai wildly at a random clone, but she dodged it easily, letting the knife sail harmlessly into the forest.

“You’re still a loser Naruko,” Sasuke said, but he was yelling at a shadow clone. “All you’re doing is throwing wave after wave at me. You’ve got no talent.” He smirked as she advanced. “You’ve just got a lot of  _ catch-ruh _ . That’s the only reason you’re keeping up in this fight, you’re still a deadlast!”

“A deadlast with more catch-ruh than you,” Naruko said, smirking. “A deadlast who’s gonna beat your candyass until you apologize to Sakura.”

Catch-ruh surging from his legs, Sasuke snarled, and blasted into the blue cloudless sky. Naruko tracked his flight, ready to pounce when he lan- she recoiled from the sun’s blinding light.

“Fire Style!” Sasuke roared from above. “Fireball Jutsu!”

A giant fireball flew down at the meadow, like a falling meteor. Crap, crap, crap. She scrambled from its descent, memories of herself being incinerated flashing to her one after another. She panted on her hands and knees, the edge of a crater of cinders mere feet from her, her skin tickled by the heat left over from the jutsu. She let out a breath, and steeled herself once more. She was tired, but nowhere near finished. The fight had only just begu-

“Behind you deadlast.” The cold steel edge of a kunai knife rested against her carotid artery. “You put up a good fight, but you’ll never be able to beat me.”

“Take back what you said about Sakura!”

“If you insist,” Sasuke said slyly. “Her chakra control isn’t actually very good.”

“Bastard!” Naruko tried to break free from his grasp, and Sasuke let her go before she nicked herself on the knife. 

He wore a proud smile that she’d never seen on him before. “Fine. She’s a good kunoichi. I admit it.”

She wanted to deck him, but she couldn’t do it after he’d just shown her mercy. She sighed.

“The  _ catch-ruh _ scalpels,” Sasuke said, looking down his nose at her. “The problem is your  _ catch-ruh _ control. It’s pathetic. I don’t know what Kakashi was thinking trying to teach you that technique. You will never be able to do medical ninjutsu.”

“I will,” Naruko said. “Believe it!”

“Deadlast,” Sasuke poked her forehead. “You’re too much of a loser to waste your time on this. You’ve got decent chakra reserves. An idiot like you would be better off practicing brute force jutsu like shadow clones rather than anything which takes actual skill, but I know you’re too stupid to give up on this. So don’t waste your time making small, precise chakra scalpels, figure out a way to make what you can do useful.”

Naruko considered what he’d said for a while, and started messing around with her catch-ruh scalpels. They were as big as a bat, and as dull as one too. No matter what she did, she couldn’t make it any smaller or sharper. Just how was she gonna use something like- Sasuke was totally checking her out! He was just sitting on a rock, glaring at her. It was totally… Actually, it wasn’t as great as she thought it’d be. It kinda made her feel weird. “Why aren’chya training Sasuke?”

“Not everyone is like you idiot,” Sasuke said, sneering. “Some of us like to think, to consider-”

“You’re probably thinking about how cute I am,” Naruko said, striking one of the poses she’d seen the magazine models make during her research on the sexy jutsu. “I knew it was only a matter of time until you acknowledged my greatness!”

“As if, idiot.”

“Fine, then-”

“You think I’m tired, idiot?” Sasuke asked, standing suddenly. “As if I’d be tired from a fight with a no-clan, untrained, stupid fangirl like you.” To prove his point he made a shadow clone and then he fainted from catch-ruh exhaustion. Naruko took him back to base, with one thought on her mind.

What the heck had gotten into Sasuke?

XOXOXOX

**Author’s Notes:** Thanks to all who took the time to read the story so far, and especially to those who left kudos!

I’ve included an extra scene. It’s pure setup, and I can’t say it’s entertaining. You can skip it and the story will make sense, but this scene will payoff in a big way in the next arc.

XOXOXOX

**Dragon Ball Sidequest**

“You there, blondie!” A suspicious looking woman in a black trenchcoat waved at Naruko. Passerbys grumbled, as Naruko stopped to consider, impeding traffic on Wave Country’s busy Main Street. Hmm, she was thinking too much, she was the great Naruko Uzumaki, and some random merchant couldn’t possibly hurt her.

“You seem to have some money,” the woman murmured, once Naruko was in the alley. She led Naruko down a bend, away from the sightline of Main Street. The woman felt along the brick wall, until something crinkled, and the woman pulled down a camouflaged curtain to reveal a rickety wooden door. Naruko got a sneaking suspicion that something was off. She flung a kunai at a shadow by an overhanging streetlight. Someone was tailing her, she was sure of it. “Well? Are you coming or not?” Asked the woman, holding the door open.

Naruko decided she’d play along. If this was a gang which mugged any girl with money, it’d be better to take care of them now.

“I noticed you had a lot of ryo,” the woman said, tapping a cane on an oak paneled wall. A hidden bookshelf fell from the ceiling, full of- ooh, shiny! The bookshelf was filled with beautiful diamonds, and gems, and pearls. “Of course, even with your wealth you are a plain girl. I can assure you that my goods will allow you to attract any man you desire.”

Naruko looked around. She’d never gotten a chance to look at jewelry like this in Konoha. Shopkeepers always viewed Naruko in suspicion because she was an orphan with no money, and places for rich clan kids wouldn’t even let her in. The diamond on the ring was colorless, but its shape was so pretty, and it seemed to sparkle. Like, it really actually sparkled! And look at the pearl on that necklace! It was so big and round and perfectly smooth!

“It seems that the Eye of the Whirlpool has caught your fancy,” the merchant said, sidling next to her. “It is a natural pearl. I can assure you that while you may find a pearl as large, you will never find one of such size that is so ideal in form.”

“I don’t have enough money for it,” Naruko admitted, sighing. She’d had her fun, but the woman must have gotten the wrong idea when she’d seen Naruko giving away some ryo to the local children. She didn’t want to be dishonest.

The woman smirked. “Ahh… You haven’t been out of Konoha, have you young lady?”

Naruko pressed a hand against her headband. She wore it stylishlishly near the top of her forehead, like Sakura.

“I think you’ll find the prices here are… Different than in Konoha. I can sell you that one-of-a-kind necklace for as low as...” the woman cackled. “Seventy-five ryo. In Konoha it would cost one hundred times as much. You will never get this opportunity again.”

“Really?” She checked her wallet and realized she couldn’t afford it, not without going into money she’d set aside for rent. Wait a minute. Naruko cackled, as another brilliant scheme came to her. She really was a genius wasn’t she? She would just buy the pearl, and then sell it when she returned to Konoha. She’d turn a huge profit, and then she could afford rent, utilities, and food with plenty to spare on Ichiraku’s and manga. But as she was in the middle of swindling the foolish vendor, somebody smacked her ryo out of her hand.

“Don’t be an idiot Naruko, this woman is scamming you,” Sakura said impatiently.

“Why I would nev-”

Sakura took out a kunai, and cut into The Eye of the Whirlpool, revealing a dark marble only a millimeter into the milky coating. “Naruko, oysters form real pearls from particles of sand that get stuck inside their shells. This is a pearl which has been manufactured. Someone has stuck a marble into the oyster, to quicken the natural process. It may be larger and more perfect than a real pearl, but it doesn’t take nearly the time to produce. You can buy twenty for five ryo in Konoha. And these so called diamonds? Manufactured from silicon to be indistinguishable from the real thing.”

“But they’re so pretty,” Naruko protested.

“They’re worthless,” Sakura said decisively. “Let’s go.” She took Naruko’s hand and pulled her out of the hidden shop. “I swear. I can’t let you out of my sight for five seconds.”

Naruko grimaced. This sucked. She looked like such an idiot in front of Sakura. She vowed to never be scammed again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author’s Note:** There will be a bit of a tone shift in this chapter, because it’s primarily told through Sasuke’s POV. It won’t be as humorous, as Sasuke is a serious character, and he won’t come across as particularly likable. But remember, just like in cannon, he watched his family be slaughtered in front of him by the person he loved the most.

Also, I know I shouldn’t do this, but the single most important sentence in the story so far(in my opinion) was when Sasuke said this: The problem is your  _ catch-ruh _ control. It’s pathetic.  **I don’t know what Kakashi was thinking trying to teach you that technique.**

Also this isn’t meant to be a Kakashi or Iruka bashing story. They just can’t connect with Naruko as easily as in cannon, because she doesn’t remind Kakashi of Obito or Iruka of his younger self. They’re both doing what they think is best for her.

XOXOXOX

**Location: Tsunami’s House**

**POV: Sasuke**

Sasuke awoke to screams. The brat! He was outside of the house in an instant, and found the mother at knifepoint screaming at a group of thugs not to hurt the boy. The brat trembled, tears in his eyes, but seemingly frozen from fear, about to watch his mother d-

NOT THIS TIME! Sasuke’s movement was as efficient as it was deadly, as he slashed the one-eyed swordsman with his kunai, infusing his arm with chakra so he could wrench his knife through the man’s spine. His kunai shattered against the bone, but it didn’t matter, Sasuke ripped out what was left of the kunai and found the other would-be murderer stumbling along the pavement. In the time between raindrops, Sasuke flashed in front of him, and shoved his broken kunai through the man’s eye. The mother was covered in the amateur swordsman’s intestines, and the brat was crying like a stupid infant. Sasuke left without consoling them. The damn family had nothing to be upset about, intact as it was, and their attack implied that Gato had finally made his move.

Not again, it couldn’t be happening again! Zabuza would be back. Kakashi, Naruko, and Sakura would all be on the bridge protecting the bridge builder. Vulnerable. Ambushed while he’d been sleeping like a careless child. Sasuke ran, using chakra to enhance his speed. He leapt through the streets, slid across wet pavement. Right at the vendor selling dolls... Faster! Faster! Left at the house with the broken window… Faster! Faster! Sharp turn past the big oak! Almost there! Almost there! He saw the steel cranes in the horizon, the bridge slowly coming into shape, what would he find?

He knew what he’d find. Naruko. Kakashi. Sakura. Itachi over their dead bodies. Taunting him.

But no. There was Kakashi, sharingan exposed but otherwise unharmed, toying with a badly wounded Zabuza. Sakura was with the bridge builder, a kunai out to defend a sudden rush. And Naruko, she was pummeling a beautiful kunoichi like an untrained savage. Everything was under control. He got into position beside Sakura. It was the only place he would be of use, as the only danger to the team would be a desperation rush on the bridge builder.

He knew he should be watching Kakashi. The man had somehow acquired a sharingan, and it was a rare opportunity to see how a user fought. It would help him expand his own capabilities while simultaneously acclimating him with Itachi’s. But he’d already seen Kakashi and Zabuza battle, he’d watched Uchihas fight all his life, and most importantly, Naruko intrigued him.

The idiotic blonde was an enigma. Aside from being the most direct and loud of his fangirls, she had not stood out in the academy. But against Zabuza, she had been the one who had come up with the plan. It should have been him, he was the brilliant shinobi, he had the top test scores, but all he’d been able to do was tremble like a frightened child. Just like  _ that _ night...

And then the shadow clone training. How could she make so many clones when he could only create five? He was the Uchiha! He was the one whose special talent should have revealed itself during that training. He had confirmed that he was the most special in their spar, but he couldn’t help but feel that maybe he’d just gotten…

No.

That blonde idiot was not better than him. The challenge she had presented was only because he was unfamiliar with fighting shadow clones. That was why he was so intrigued by her fight, because she had revealed a weakness in himself. He would correct it, and put her back in her place.

Naruko’s opponent was a beautiful kunoichi, with elegant black hair, and a crumbling mask. Flat sheets of ice coalesced constantly from the layer of rainwater on the concrete bridge, and floated into the gray sky. The kunoichi glided between ice sheets at barely-visible speeds, fluidly throwing tiny needles at Naruko’s clones with flawless accuracy, popping dozens in mere moments. Sasuke would have thought her a skilled fighter, but in truth she must have been a weakling because she had no answer for Naruko’s army of shadow clones.

The idiot had created perhaps one hundred clones, bunched around the mirrors. Each appeared capable of ninjutsu, as they wielded the pitiful new technique that he had spelled out for her yesterday. It was a substandard workaround for chakra scalpels, which utilized her slightly above average chakra reserves to make up for her pathetic lack of chakra control.

“Power pole extend,” the Narukos shouted. The blue chakra clubs in their hands lengthened over the ice mirrors and hammered them, cracked them, broke them. Simultaneously the- Sasuke grimaced at the idiotic name-  _ power poles  _ were swung wildly at the kunoichi, unskillfully like a bludgeon, but with so many Narukos one strike connected through luck alone. Dozens of Narukos pounced, clubbing the girl with their chakra. The girl cried in pain, bloodied and bruised, reached out an arm, and struggled into another ice sheet. The Narukos followed her relentlessly, slamming their power poles into the frozen rectangular prism. The beauty struggled to form new sheets to replace those which had been pulverized.

The inadequate kunoichi popped more clones, throwing handfuls of needles at the army of Narukos. But no matter how many she defeated, there were always more, the clones creating clones to replace their fallen comrades.

The counter was obvious. All that needed to be done was to take down prime Naruko. The idiot was too stupid to yield or backdown, and she’d just send wave after wave at you. The only way to stop her attack was to take down the original.

The beautiful kunoichi was irritatingly dumb. Naruko was a gimmick fighter, but even Sasuke could admit that she was a handful after she got off a few shadow clone jutsus. All he’d have to do was rush the idiot, and he’d be able to beat her easily. Naruko was nothing special.

No, that wasn’t fair. He was comparing her to himself. To an Uchiha. Compared to the other ninja he’d gone to school with, Naruko was better. Even if she did only have one skill, she was at least effective against fools who did not know how to neutralize her.

A platoon of clones had dedicated themselves to pulverizing any new ice sheet that the kunoichi tried to form. Finally, Naruko had realized the necessary strategy, although he would have obviously done so more quickly. The kunoichi was finished. 

Perhaps forty shadow clones bluntly smashed the last ice sheet, until the girl jumped out in desperation. Her shoulders were slumped, her fingers bent, her lined dress tattered, her pretty face bruised, bloodied, and broken. She wasn’t floating around anymore, she’d let herself be dragged down to Naruko’s level. The skillful battle reduced to a mere brawl. The kunoichi roared in defiance, and made a limping charge at the swarm of Narukos, unable to form even a fist with her mangled fingers. The Narukos surrounded her, and artlessly pummelled her with their chakra poles. Sasuke couldn’t see the girl anymore, she was buried under a horde of orange Naru-

NOOOOO! 

Zabuza’s broadsword boomeranged through the pile of Naruko, leaving nothing but a cloud of smoke. What had he been doing? Why hadn’t he been fighting besid-

The bastard was getting away!

He wouldn’t let Naruko go unavenged! 

He chased after the swordsman with a chakra enhanced leap, when Naruko caught his collar, keeping him from avenging her!

...

…Oh…

“Shadow clones,” Sasuke muttered.

“What’s wrong with your eyes?” Naruko asked.

“My eyes?” Sasuke looked at his reflection through the sheen of water on the bridge’s smooth white surface. Two pairs of red tomoe glared back up at him. Yes! Finally, he’d activated his sharingan! Now all that was left was to finish the-

“Let’s let them go,” Kakashi said, his mask back up, his focus on his erotica. 

“They’ll just return,” Sasuke said. Kakashi looked a bit worn, but Naruko still seemed energetic. Neither were hurt in any way. Maybe they weren’t at full capability, but their enemy was almost finished. They needed to press their advantage while they still had it.

“Zabuza has surrendered,” Kakashi said. “We won’t be seeing him again.”

“How can you be so sure?” Naruko asked.

“Why don’t you look at yourselves Naruko.” Kakashi nudged his erotica at a group of Narukos never bothering to so much as look up from his smut. They were working together, struggling to carry Zabuza’s broadsword.

“It’s mine,” Naruko said, pushing Naruko.

“Are you blind? He clearly threw it at me,” Naruko said, punching Naruko.

“Listen, listen,” said the Naruko next to Sasuke peacefully. She walked up to the two clones. “Neither of you can carry it by yourselves. Let’s all take ownership of the sword, because only together will we be able to use it.”

“You’re a genius!”

“Great plan Naruko!”

A Naruko burst into existence from a metal spoke on the bridge’s guardrail. “As the  _ real  _ Naruko it belongs to me.”

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. Yesterday he’d defeated her by locating prime Naruko. So she’d prepared for the tactic, and hidden herself while her clones fought. He’d need to be careful not to underestimate her. Even animals could fight cleverly.

“I choose to give the sword to Sasuke,” Naruko said, smirking at him. “Pretty nice of me to give you such a badass sword, huh?”

“Hnn,” he said bitterly. He couldn’t deny that it stung. Zabuza had chosen to surrender to her. Not to Kakashi, not to Sasuke, but for some unfathomable reason to Naruko. For defeating a silly little kunoichi? Zabuza was clearly a fool, but still, the idea that even a single person could think that Naruko was better than him was unacceptable. It was a slight he would not forgive or forget. The sword would be a reminder. “I accept.”

“Very well,” Kakashi said, putting his erotica down for a moment to seal the sword. “Oh and by the way Naruko…” Kakashi glanced at him. “Zabuza mentioned that Haku, the boy you were fighting, was stronger than him. So you took out an upper jounin level ninja. Quite the accomplishment.”

Naruko’s eyes widened, and Sasuke glared up at Kakashi. What was his game? Did he really think he could make Sasuke jealous of Naruko?  _ Naruko?  _ He’d seen the fight. Naruko had handled Haku with ease. She hadn’t done anything special, and yet she’d… She’d…

She’d defeated a jounin?

That should have been Sasuke! He even had his sharingan now! If it had been him fighting Haku he’d have… How exactly would he have fought Haku? Just how could he have handled the superior speed, how could he have taken down the ice mirrors? Without shadow clones, how could he defend against those needles?

No! Naruko was a snivelling little fangirl, nothing more! He was Sasuke Uchiha, and if he’d fought Haku he’d have defeated the little pretty boy like it was nothing.

“That shinobi was a guy?” Naruko asked. Sasuke smirked. She was an idiot, even if she was a better fighter than she first appeared. He was still superior. “But he was so beautiful.”

Hnn. But wasn’t it weird for a guy to be so pretty? What an idiot.

“Sakura! That girl was a guy!” Naruko said, her face flushed like a silly schoolgirl with a crush.

“What?” Sakura said, blushing as well. “But he was so gorgeous.”

Girls could be so stupid. They’d just survived a fight for their lives and all they could think about was boys. Typical.

“I wonder if I caught up with Zabuza and gave him his sword back, if he’d introduce me to Haku,” Naruko said.

“It’s my sword,” Sasuke grunted. Hnn, why had he said that? “You gave it to me, remember idiot?”

“C’mon Sasuke,” Naruko said, tugging on his shirt. “That was the most attractive guy I’ve ever seen.”

Haku didn’t even look like a boy. Naruko certainly had issues-

“Yosh!” Sakura agreed enthusiastically. “I never thought I’d see a boy who was hotter than Sasuke. When you meet him, can you introduce me as well?”

“Why would I do that?” Naruko asked, sticking out her chest. “I fought him! We share an unbreakable bond which can only be-”

Their nauseating gossip was thankfully cut short by the arrival of a short man in a suit and sunglasses. He stood with a cane at the end of the bridge, a mob of thugs behind him. Sasuke couldn’t sense any chakra coming from them. “You took care of Zabuza for me? Good, that’s one loose end taken care of.” This must’ve been Gato. Sasuke grinned savagely. He’d prove to everyone that he was most special, that Naruko’s victory over Haku wasn’t worth praising. “Take care of those ninja for me, and bring me back the bridge bui-”

Sasuke charged with his kunai. Three large men with swords flailed at him wildly, and he was around their guard like it wasn’t even there. He sliced through their necks, careful not to hit bone, relishing the blood that spat from their arteries like water from a tap. Into the thick of things now, surrounded by thugs, he was an efficient killing machine. Blocked a sword aimed at his back, keeping track of so many men, all their patterns and attacks, it was so easy with the sharingan. So easy! It gave him the information, his vision fractaling into potential futures and past and current events, his brain deciphering those images into attack patterns and counters so naturally that he knew that this was what it meant to be an Uchiha. Naruko had her chakra reserves, but he had THIS! His kunai ran red with blood, the thugs no longer fighting, running like sheep. Well Sasuke was the big bad wolf, and he wasn’t about to let his prey get away from him so easily. He chased after them with a terrible, frustrated smirk. He felt a warm chakra presence behind him and slammed his kunai into the blonde shadow clone. He WOULD have his fun. This was what made him  _ special _ . His kunai found its place in a thug’s eye, and five more clones were on him. He dispatched them easily, and continued his hunt. Running with all their might, crying and sobbing and crawling, he sent them to the afterlife one after another. Finally a large hand caught his arm- Kakashi- he squirmed a bit but he knew his fun was over. Maybe he could get just one more? “Gato. If we don’t finish him this will-”

“You killed him long ago,” Kakashi said coolly.

Sasuke’s eyes widened as the sharingan burned the image before him into memory. The corpses strewn on the bridge, eyes dull, efficient slits to their wrists and throats exclusively, semi-coagulated blood forming hairlike strands on the sewer grates. Each and every death replayed in his mind, over and over and over and over…

One fact rang true. Those hadn’t been trained shinobi, they had been starving civilians. Defeating them meant nothing, only proving his own blood lust. What had he done? Why?

A few days later the bridge was finished. Kakashi had given him a talk, telling him not to worry too much about his bloodlust, but to worry a little. Ultimately, the thugs had been hired to kill the bridge builder, so his actions had been within mission parameters. That said, shinobi who indulged too much in that kind of behavior had a tendency to…

Sasuke knew what he was getting at. He would NOT become Itachi. But those bodies, the deaths for which he was responsible, all proof that he shared the same blood as that monster and was fully capable of the same evils. It had been a mistake, Sasuke would not choose to kill so lightly again. Kakashi had seemed satisfied, but Sasuke found that he couldn’t look his teammates in the eyes. Naruko had bested him completely, even Sakura had performed better than him on their first real mission, and he’d let that get to him. He’d acted just like his older brother… 

After a few days the bridge had finally been completed.

“I will name this bridge after a great hero, who exemplifies the bravery and courage that the new Wave Country will stand for. A hero who stood up to Gato’s terrible villainy, and had the bravery to fight back,” the bridge builder said proudly, at the bridge’s unveiling. Wave citizens cheered wildly. “I am referring of course, to myself. The pains, the tribulations I endured. I was scammed by Konoha, and given a lazy shinobi who was almost defeated by a swordsman weaker than a prepubescent girl, as well as three brats who abandoned me in my time of need. I bring to you The Great Tazuna Bridge!” He turned to Kakashi, and hissed, “This should have been a D-rank mission. I want my money back!”

Kakashi, nose still buried in erotica, gave the bridge builder the same look he gave Sasuke when he was about to answer a direct question obtusely. “No refunds.”

Sasuke waited for Naruko to ask Kakashi the question on their journey back to Konoha. He knew she would, the blonde idiot would never pass up the opportunity to boast. But she kept on trying to talk to him instead. He refused of course, knowing full well that she’d just rub the fact that she, the deadlast, had been superior on their first real mission. Meanwhile, Sakura refused to so much as look in his general vicinity and Kakashi was wrapped up in his smut. 

“Can I see it?” Sasuke finally asked, when he realized nobody else was going too.

“Your sword?” Kakashi asked.

“No,” Sasuke said, ignoring the jab. “The missing-nin handbook.”

Kakashi handed it to him, and Sasuke flipped through its pages. There was Zabuza, and he was indeed a jounin. Apparently one of the Seven Swordsmen of the Hidden Mist. But he hadn’t been looking for information on Zabuza, he’d been looking for Haku. He flipped through more pages, past a snake-looking ninja, a blonde with mouths on his hands, and- he grimaced- Itachi. He had to pause, when he noticed a detail. Itachi and Orochimaru were the highest ranked missing nin from Konoha, both marked as kage level threats, but Orochimaru had the higher bounty. He trembled. A mistake, it must have been a mistake. Itachi had killed the entire Uchiha Clan, one of the two founding members of- He grinded his teeth. He would not be side-tracked by this. He flipped until he found that pretty face. Haku.

Not a large bounty, but what mattered was the threat level. Jounin level, the entry read, perhaps slightly above. He found Zabuza. The entry just said he was a jounin level ninja. So what Kakashi had said about Haku was universally agreed upon. Naruko had taken down a more powerful ninja than Zabuza. And she’d done it with relative ease.

Was Naruko Uzumaki a prodigy? If Haku was as powerful as the bingo book claimed, it was the only explanation. But…

Naruko was strong because of her chakra reserves, and that was easy to measure. The instructors at the ninja academy must have known that she had abnormally high reserves and yet they’d always treated her like an untalented orphan girl. Even now, even after real results had shown her to be extraordinary Kakashi wasn’t treating Naruko any differently. Sakura wasn’t fawning over the girl. Naruko herself didn't seem impressed with her accomplishments. It didn’t make any sense. Nothing in this mission had gone as it should have.

“Kakashi,” Sasuke found himself saying. “At the academy… Why was I… During the bell test, what stood out about me?” What was he doing? He was supposed to be asking about Naruko, not himself.

Kakashi held up a finger- of course, he was just going to ignore him again- and his sensei put down his book with a sigh. “You  _ were _ slightly more advanced than a typical genin, but what made you special Sasuke, the reason I took you on as a pupil, is that you were willing to put your ego aside, and work with two girls you looked down on.”

“That’s it?” He couldn’t hide his disappointment.There had to be more. He was special. He’d been told all his life he was a prodigy…

But never by his clan. Never by Father. Itachi had been the prodigy. Sasuke had always been average for an Uchiha. He’d been better than the other children at the academy, but he hadn’t distanced himself from any of them. His taijutsu was slightly more refined, his ninjutsu a bit stronger, but aside from the fireball jutsu he hadn’t known any techniques out of the ordinary for a twelve year old. He hadn’t had Itachi’s advanced genjutsu, he hadn’t had Naruko’s chakra reserves, and absolutely nothing had gone right on his first mission.

“That is no small thing,” Kakashi said quietly, adjusting his mask. “I’ve known plenty of prodigies, I’ve known plenty of Uchiha, but only one who… who… believed in teamwork. Your humility is worth far more than your sharingan.”

Yes! Of course, his sharingan! How could he have forgotten? Kakashi had defeated Zabuza solely because he possessed one, and he didn’t have anything close to the skill of a full-blooded Uchiha! He smirked. It was so obvious why he’d been considered a prodigy by the other students, by the instructors, by the village elders, and even the hokage.

He had in his very blood the most powerful kekkei genkai in existence. Sure he was ‘ _ advanced for a genin _ ’ as Kakashi put it, but what separated him from trash like Naruko was that he was the last scion of the most powerful ninja family in history while she was a clanless orphan.

She had a gimmick: that she had a lot of chakra. Perhaps that made her stronger than him right now, his sharingan as underdeveloped as it was, but in time he would surpass her. Because in the ninja world, blood mattered, clan mattered, and eventually Naruko would go back to being a worthless little deadlast.

He smirked. He would make Naruko as strong as possible, she was the only one who could possibly hope to compete with him, and then, after crushing his rival, he would find Itachi and kill him.

XOXOXOXOX

**Location: Konoha Entrance Gate**

**POV: Naruko**

Naruko smirked. Ino, was waiting for them by the entrance gate. The pretty blonde had always looked down on her, but Naruko had busted up a jounin and proven herself to be a totally awesome shinobi!

“Sakura didn’t cop a feel on Sasuke’s sweet ass when he was sleeping did she?” Ino asked shrilly. “And you’d better not have touched  _ my Sasuke _ either Naruko!”

“Nooo Ino,” Naruko cooed. She was just messing around though. If she did something like that her mom would give her an earful about how ‘wrong it was’ and how she ‘needed to treat her teammates with dignity’. “I totally took down a jounin level shinobi.”

“You’re full of shit Naruko,” Kiba said, jogging to stand with the rest of the Konoha rookies. “There’s no way you coulda’ done that.”

“It’s true,” Sakura said. She held out Haku’s entry in the bingo book. Ino gasped, taking a step back in surprise, and confirming the entry herself. Naruko held her nose up in the air. Haku hadn’t really seemed all that tough, but then, Naruko had used one of her brilliant schemes against the pretty boy. And he was a jounin! She’d defeated a jounin! Now everyone had no choice but to respect her!

“Oh! My! God!” Ino gasped. “That has got to be the most gorgeous man I have ever seen!”

Well… Maybe it was like when her dream had been to be the next hokage. Nobody cared if she was strong. It wasn’t really a kunoichi’s role anyways. No, a kunoichi was supposed to be… Naruko’s smirk became devious.

“I know right?” Naruko said, laughing. She hopped onto a rock, and started swinging her arms for emphasis. “He was a truly strong super shinobi! I knew I could not defeat him directly, so I resorted to my irresistible feminine wiles. I forgot to mention it earlier, but I definitely met the hotty in the woods before we fought, and he was totally in love with me. But since my one true love is Sasuke, I had to…” Naruko continued on with her story, adding a forbidden love to make it a little more spicy. So maybe she was changing the facts a little, so what? Who was it hurting? And the kunoichi, they were eating up every word.

Except for Sakura. She seemed distinctly unimpressed. Well tough. Naruko had defeated a friggin jounin, she’d earned this!

“You’re full of shit Naruko. There’s no way anyone could be romantically interested in you.” Kiba said dismissively. He narrowed his eyes. “You’re no fun.” The shinobi all nodded. Well actually Shikamaru was scowling up at the clouds, Shino was playing with a bug, and Chouji gobbled some delicious barbecue potato chips. The kunoichis all smirked. Well aside from Sakura and Hinata. Okay maybe just Ino, but it felt like everyone was laughing at her. Hmph, when she’d bagged herself Sasuke, she’d see who was laughing!

“I still defeated a jounin,” Naruko said. Hah! Stupid Kiba, top that! Just as she’d suspected, being a kunoichi wasn’t about being good at school, it was about having a lot of catch-ruh, knowing a buncha jutsu, and being good at fighting. And Naruko had a ton of catch-ruh, knew two entire jutsu, and was… Fighting wasn’t that important since she had the other two.

“Yeah, a weakass jounin,” Kiba said, chuckling condescendingly. He rubbed Naruko’s hair like she was a puppy. “Sasuke told us the real story while you were yammering. Haku was nothing special. All it took to beat him was shadow clones and a botched chakra scalpel. Neither of those jutsu are even difficult. Any shinobi could master them.” 

“No, you’re wrong Kiba!” This was not how things were supposed to go! She’d finally proven herself! It should have been enough to win their respect! Why wasn’t it enough? “Haku was a skilled shinob-”

“If he was so skilled then how’d you beat him?” Sasuke asked, smirking and walking back into Konoha. “You’re still a deadlast.”

Naruko balled her fists. Maybe they were right? They had to be right. Haku had been weak and his jounin ranking had been some kind of mistake. After all, Naruko had only passed the written part of the ninja exam by a hair, passed the jutsu section solely because of Iruka’s pity, and defeated Haku with two jutsu she’d learned in a week. 

She definitely had to get stronger, but then what? She  _ had _ defeated a jounin, and even if he was weak it hadn’t gotten her any respect. It was obvious why. Sasuke, the strongest and most handsome genin, hadn’t acknowledged her. Without his respect, without his love, she’d never be accepted by the rest of them.

She’d make Sasuke love her, that was her dream. If she had to change, grow out her hair, cut it all off, give up her career, or become the strongest kunoichi in the entire world, then so be it. She’d do whatever it took to achieve her dream. She’d force it to come true. It was the only way she’d ever be...

That night, after her mom had tucked her into bed, something banged against her door. There it was again! Didn’t they realize she was trying to sleep?

“Naruko, are you in there?” Sakura called. Naruko sat up, tossed her jumpsuit off her, and hurriedly put it on. She let Sakura in, and her rival looked around the apartment with a small frown. Naruko had never had a visitor before, was there something wrong with how she’d set the place up?

“So…” Sakura said, pulling out some of the dried leaves from Naruko’s bed. “Is this… Where you… Sleep?”

Naruko grinned. She’d managed to create a bed like the one at the orphanage. She’d wrapped some leaves in a piece of camouflage cloth she’d swiped from the academy and used it as a makeshift bed. “The trick is to get them before it rains,” Naruko said proudly. “If there’s any water in ‘em it makes the whole thing slimy and gross.”

Sakura nodded. “That’s... clever Naruko. I uh…” Sakura held up a brown paper bag. “I brought dinner.”

Unfortunately it was disgusting dango instead of delicious ramen, but Naruko still appreciated the thought, even though it was too syrupy and Sakura was just giving it to her because it was so slimy and gross. Her rival hadn’t even eaten a single bite.

“I thought everyone was being really unfair,” Sakura said quietly. “I watched Haku. Everyone said he was weak, but he seemed stronger than Zabuza to me. If I’d been the one fighting him, he’d have killed me easily.”

Naruko brushed the wooden dango sticks off her stop-sign table. She’d find a use for them later. “You’d have beaten him too Sakura! You’re the top kunoichi in our entire year, despite not being one of those rich clan ki-”

“No,” Sakura said. “I don’t have what you have. When… When Kakashi only offered to teach Sasuke shadow clones I just accepted it. When Kakashi told us kunoichis could only ever be support-ninjas I went along with it. And when Sasuke lost his mind, when he started slaughtering Gato’s goons I just stood there and watched. You tried to stop him. You forced Kakashi to teach you shadow clones. So Naruko, don’t listen to Sasuke. You’re not a deadlast or an idiot.”

“Thanks Sakura.” Naruko trembled. Her heart hammered. She was scared, but maybe… Sakura was being so nice, why else would she be being so nice? She just had to know. “You’re a good friend.”

The unasked question hung in the air painfully.

“I’m not,” Sakura said, and Naruko’s heart fell. She’d been a fool, an idiot, but at least she finally knew. A girl like her, stupid and weak and ugly and poor, could never truly make a connection. Sakura smiled. “But I will be.” 

Naruko leapt across the sign-table to give her first friend a hug. Her ever present hunger was finally satisfied, and not from the dango.

**Location: Konoha’s Red Light District**

**POV: Naruko**

**Dragon Ball Sidequest**

Naruko skipped down the alley gleefully. She’d finally gotten paid for the C-rank! Oh-ho-ho, she’d be eating good tonight! She’d thought about stockpiling instant ramen, but she’d decided instead to have a celebration with her family for the completion of her first real mission. So she’d bought the new volume of Dragonball and was on her way to purchasing some expired mystery meat from the butcher! Her mom and dad were gonna be so proud!

“Hey you, young lady!” A mysterious man in a black trenchcoat called. He was hidden from the busy market in a back alley, and was waving her over. “Come on. I’ve got something to show you.”

Naruko followed him into the dark alley, carefully stepping over a used syringe, and a smelly yellow puddle. The man grinned sinisterly, and suddenly reached into his trenchcoat-

NO WAY!

They did exist! An orange sphere infused with four red stars. It was Son Goku’s four-star dragonball. So the manga was real? Of course, nobody could have come up with such a brilliant story otherwise!

“It may just look like an ordinary marble,” the man said. “But if you collect all seven it will summon a dragon which will grant you any wish.”

“Even a family?” Naruko asked hungrily. “Even a mom and a dad?”

The man smirked. “Of course. You can wish for anything. Pretty spectacular huh? Now let’s talk numbers.”

Naruko left cackling. She’d totally swindled the sucker, a dragonball was definitely priceless!

**Author’s Notes** : Thanks for reading! And now to address some questions that I’m anticipating a lot of you will have.

The reason Haku wasn’t as fast as in canon, where a normal shinobi could not see him moving between mirrors, is because Naruko created most of her clones at the beginning of the fight and didn’t let Haku set up his hemisphere of ice sheets. What the hemisphere allowed him to do was jump from mirror to mirror in a straight line. With ice mirrors floating randomly he can’t move nearly as fast. The main reason for the change in strategy is that cannon Naruto was into proving his masculinity by fighting with his clones, while this Naruko wants to prove her femininity by being more clever than her opponents.


End file.
